25 Questions: How to start a conversation about death with family and friends 

We invited Mario and Courtney Lopez, hosts of The Balancing Act, to see how talking about death with family and friends may feel hard, but it doesn’t have to be. (Have four minutes? Check out the segment!)  

In fact, a few questions can open the door to meaningful conversations about life, love, and the memories we leave behind.  

This article is your quick guide to broaching the topic. Read on to prepare for a simple, helpful discussion with your loved ones. 

Set a time and place  

Discussing death, dying, and mortality in general can be emotional and enlightening, but it can also be overwhelming if you take the wrong approach.  

To avoid a sudden, awkward conversation at the dinner table, start by asking your family/friends if they’d be comfortable talking about death, and if they are, you can set a date and time to have a full conversation. 

You can have a private gathering at home or elsewhere; libraries, outdoor spaces, and cafes are great options. If you’d like to learn from outside perspectives, you can join a local group devoted to discussing death as a topic.  

Once it’s time to have the conversation, here are 25 questions for your group. 

25 questions 

Relationships  
We all leave an impact on someone’s life. 

• What’s one of your favorite memories?  

• When you think about the end of your life, who do you hope is with you? 

• If you could relive one meal, what would it be and who would be with you at the table? 

• If your family had to make difficult decisions without you, what would you want them to remember first? 

Life and death 
We can face the inevitable. 

• What’s one thing you’ve stopped putting off because life is short?  

• What’s something that makes you feel most alive? 

• Do you believe talking about death makes life richer or more difficult? Why?  

• What do you hope happens after we die? 

• What does a life well-lived mean to you? 

Planning  
A gift for your loved ones – and for yourself. 

• Should your funeral have a dress code (traditional mourning colors, fun colors, or maybe a theme)? 

• Would you choose burial, cremation, or something else? Why?  

• Where should your final resting place be?  

• What’s one detail you’d want included in your memorial service to make it feel personal? 

• Would you want a traditional funeral, a celebration of life, or no sevice at all? 

Legacy  
The most important things we leave behind. 

• If your family had to describe you in three words, what would you hope they’d choose?  

• What’s the most “you” purchase you’ve ever made?  

• If your life had a warning label, what would it say?  

• What’s one lesson you think the next generation learns from you?  

• If your life had a theme song, what would it be and why does it tell your story? 

A good conversation can last an hour or longer, so prepare to take your time, and take note of any interesting ideas that come up. It’s okay if someone needs to skip a question or take a moment to think about their answer, and it’s okay if difficult emotions arise.  

Thinking about these topics is part of being human, and ultimately, death, loss, and grief are experiences we all share.  

Hopefully, everyone in your group will discover something new and leave with a sense of connection and fulfillment. 

What comes next  

You’ve shared stories, laughs, and tears, and now the difficult part is done – next, you can make your wishes a reality. 

Visit the Planning ahead section of our blog to explore the basic choices you can make.  

As you explore the world of memorial arrangements, you will realize that you can have a say in this final rite of passage. You can decide what you want, what you don’t want, and who should be involved.  

The decision is yours. 

Congratulations to you and your loved ones for facing this important topic. This is your moment to take control and define your legacy. If you have any questions about memorial planning, please reach out to your nearest cemetery or funeral home. 

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