What to Write in a Sympathy Card
For some people, writing a note in a sympathy card (sometimes referred to as a condolence card) is an easy task. For others, it's the equivalent of having a tooth pulled. Why is it often so difficult to express your condolences? Death is an uncomfortable topic. We want to make the bereaved feel better but know that's an impossible task. Mostly, we're afraid of writing something that could be taken the wrong way. So how do you approach this touchy task? What exactly should you write in a condolence card? The main purpose of sending a sympathy card is to show those in mourning that you are thinking of them. So say so: "I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you during your time of loss. You are in my heart, now and always."
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Be Honest with Your Feelings of Sympathy
When deciding what to write in a condolence card, start with your own feelings. By showing empathy for the bereaved, you're validating their feelings. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss" can go a long way.
However, you should never compare your own sorrow to that of the immediate family. First, you don't actually know how deep their grief is. Second, this is not a competition and, even if you are trying to be empathetic, your words could end up hurting instead of consoling.
How to Comfort Someone Who Has Lost a Parent
For someone who has lost a parent, one of the most thoughtful tributes you can give is by praising the son or daughter. This indirectly praises the deceased parent. For example: "Your [father/mother] was so very proud of you. [He/she] did such a great job raising you. Your dedication to your [family/job/community, etc.] is a wonderful reflection on your parent. Every day, you are a living testament to the values that your [father/mother] held so dear.
How to Comfort Someone Who Has Lost a Child
The loss of a child is perhaps the most unfathomable kind of grief. A parent may feel responsible in some way for the child's death, no matter how illogical this might be. Reaffirm what a great parent the person was.
Here is an example of what to write in a sympathy card for someone who has lost a child: "[Name of child] was so very lucky to have you as a parent. You were incredibly loving and caring." For the loss of a child a bit older, you could add: "You were a wonderful role model for [name of child]. You always focused on the positive, and I am hoping that you can try to do so during this time of immense pain. Think of [child's] smile, and let it bring a little light into every single day."
Did the deceased have a favorite biblical passage, singer, poet or author? You can use an excerpt to express your own thoughts.
Attending a Funeral? Take This Time to Think About Your Own As Well.
Attending a funeral is a good opportunity to consider what you'd want for your own memorialization. You can even plan it now, decades in advance, so your loved ones don't have to worry about it later. Learn more about advance funeral planning.